Why You Can't Stick to Healthy Habits (And What Actually Works)

You Already Know What You're Supposed to Do

I spend a lot of time reading about aging, longevity, metabolism, and what it means to care for our bodies well. Part of that comes from the work I do with women every day. Part of it comes from being 57 and paying closer attention to my own body.

These days, I'm thinking more about muscle, glucose, cholesterol, hormones, energy, sleep, recovery, and the way my body responds to stress. Not because I'm afraid of aging, but because I want to age well.

I've watched people remain relatively healthy through much of adulthood only to experience a significant decline later in life. It has made me more intentional. I know I can't stop aging. None of us can. But I can influence how I move through it.

As I've worked with women and experienced my own body changing over time, I've become increasingly interested in what separates people who remain active and independent from those whose health deteriorates more quickly. Genetics certainly play a role. So do circumstances. But research consistently points to something else: many of the chronic diseases that affect Americans today are strongly influenced by lifestyle factors such as nutrition, physical activity, sleep, smoking, alcohol use, and stress management.

In fact, a CDC analysis found that up to 40% of deaths from leading causes may be preventable through lifestyle and behavioral changes.

That number stopped me in my tracks.

Nearly half of what threatens our health may be influenced by the choices we make every day.

Most of us already know what those choices are. Eat more vegetables. Move your body. Get enough sleep. Manage stress. Build muscle. Drink water. None of this is new information. The challenge is not knowing what to do; the challenge is actually doing it consistently.

Why Good Intentions Aren't Enough

A physician on Instagram who specializes in sports and exercise medicine recently shared a recommendation that would sound familiar to most healthcare professionals: 150 minutes of cardiovascular exercise each week and two strength-training sessions. The CDC, World Health Organization, American Heart Association, and American College of Sports Medicine all recommend some version of that target.

The recommendation is sound. The problem is that many people hear those numbers and immediately feel behind.

What if you're starting from the couch? Or, more realistically, from a desk?

What if 150 minutes of cardio sounds less like a wellness goal and more like training for the Olympics?

Recently, a client told me she had downloaded a seven-day gut health plan. The program required eliminating half the foods in her pantry, buying unfamiliar ingredients, learning entirely new recipes, and changing almost everything about the way she currently ate.

Now guess what is probably going to happen with that kind of radical change. How long do you think it is going to last?

You have probably been there yourself. Isn't this what many of us do every January? We decide this year will be different, so we attempt to change everything at once. We clean out the pantry, buy vegetables we've never eaten before, download three new apps, and somehow become the kind of person who owns chia seeds (I actually do buy chia seeds).

For a few weeks, things go surprisingly well. Then life happens. Work gets busy. The schedule fills up. The vegetables become a science experiment in the back of the refrigerator. Before long, we're back on the couch with a bag of Doritos and Netflix, wondering where all that motivation went.

The sports medicine doctor is not wrong. We should be strength training. We should be moving more. We should be working toward the recommended activity levels. The problem is that most people cannot start there.

Only about one in four American adults currently meet both the aerobic and strength-training recommendations. Research also suggests that many adults spend six to nine hours each day sedentary. One study found that Americans spend roughly 55 percent of their waking hours sitting, reclining, driving, working at a desk, watching television, or scrolling on a device.

When we talk about adding 150 minutes of exercise and two strength-training sessions each week, we are not talking about a small adjustment to an already active lifestyle. For many people, we are talking about interrupting a daily rhythm that has been built around sitting for years.

That matters because behavior change does not happen in a vacuum. We often assume people fail because they lack discipline, motivation, or willpower. In reality, many people fail because they start with a goal designed for the finish line rather than the starting line.

The First Reason We Fail: We Start Too Big

I see this all the time in counseling and coaching. Someone becomes motivated to make a change, and instead of changing one thing, they try to change everything. That was exactly what was happening with the client who downloaded the seven-day gut health plan. What I appreciated about her was that she genuinely wanted to feel better. She had been reading about gut health and understood that what she ate could affect her energy, mood, and overall health. Her intentions were good. The problem was that the plan required her to change almost every aspect of how she currently ate, all at once.

What My Client Can Teach Us About Behavior Change

As we talked, I asked her what she was ultimately hoping to accomplish. What was her long-term aim? What did she want her health and life to look like six months from now? A year from now?

Once we got clear on where she wanted to go, we turned our attention to where she was starting. We talked about her schedule, her responsibilities, the demands already competing for her attention, and what implementing this plan would realistically look like in her everyday life.

It did not take long for her to recognize what many of us eventually discover. The plan itself was not the problem. The problem was trying to do all of it at once.

So we began breaking it down. Instead of asking, "How do I follow this entire program?" we asked, "What is the most important thing to focus on right now?" and "What change feels realistic enough that you could still be doing it three months from now?" As we narrowed the focus, she identified one area that felt both meaningful and manageable.

Part of that process also involved recognizing what was actually within her control. She had been thinking about changing the eating habits of her entire family along with her own. As we talked, she realized she could influence them, but she could not control them. The only person she could guarantee would make a different choice at breakfast, lunch, or dinner was herself.

Interestingly, that realization seemed to lift a weight from her shoulders. By the end of our conversation, she was not discouraged that she had scaled back her goal. She was relieved. For the first time, she had a plan that fit her real life rather than the life she wished she had. More importantly, she believed she could actually succeed.

Confidence is built through evidence. Every time we follow through on a commitment we make to ourselves, we create another piece of evidence that we are capable of change. Every time we attempt a dramatic overhaul and abandon it two weeks later, we create evidence for the opposite story.

The 5 Resets and the Problem of Overwhelm

This is one of the reasons I appreciated Dr. Aditi Nerurkar's book The 5 Resets. Her work is not built around massive life transformations. Instead, she focuses on reducing overwhelm and helping people make sustainable changes that fit the realities of modern life.

Her approach begins by helping people identify what matters most, reduce unnecessary noise and distraction, reconnect the health of the mind and body, create opportunities to recover from chronic stress, and build healthy habits that support long-term wellbeing.

Her framework acknowledges something many health plans ignore: people are already carrying a lot. Before we ask someone to add a complicated new routine, it helps to understand what is already on their plate and what has to stay on their plate. Lasting change often requires simplifying before adding.

Why Lasting Change Has to Fit Your Real Life

I was reminded of that recently while putting on my makeup. In the mirror, I noticed my deltoid muscle was looking more defined. And in my head, I thought, "Yes!"

What you don't know is that two months ago I bought two five-pound dumbbells and placed them next to my coffee maker. This was not part of some sophisticated fitness strategy. My thinking was simply that if the weights were standing between me and my morning coffee, I might actually pick them up.

The truth is, I know myself. I enjoy my morning routine, and I wasn't interested in getting up earlier to drive to a gym. The nearest gym is about thirty minutes away, which means a workout isn't just a workout. It's thirty minutes of driving before I even start exercising and another thirty minutes to get home. By the time you add the workout itself, we're talking close to two hours. Honestly, I don't have two hours for that. While that may work well for some people, I knew it wasn't likely to become part of my daily life.

At the same time, I wanted to start strength training. I had been reading the research on muscle mass, aging, balance, bone health, metabolism, and overall quality of life. I knew strength training was something I wanted to incorporate. The question wasn't whether it was important. The question was how I could make it fit into a life I was already living.

So instead of asking, "What's the perfect workout plan?" I asked, "What can I realistically do and sustain?" The answer turned out to be two dumbbells sitting next to a coffee maker.

The Power of Micro Habits

What I was really creating was a micro habit.

A micro habit is exactly what it sounds like: a very small behavior that is easy enough to repeat consistently. The goal is to reduce resistance. Instead of committing to an hour-long workout, you commit to a few minutes. Instead of trying to become a fitness enthusiast overnight, you simply pick up the dumbbells.

This is one of the reasons micro habits can be so powerful. Most of us overestimate what we can sustain when we're feeling motivated and underestimate what small actions can accomplish when repeated over time. We assume lasting health changes require a dramatic effort when, in reality, they often begin with something almost laughably small.

Habit Stacking Makes Change Easier

To make the habit even easier, I used a strategy called habit stacking. Habit stacking simply means attaching a new behavior to something you already do consistently. Instead of relying on motivation or memory, you use an existing habit as the cue for the new one.

In my case, the coffee is already happening. By placing the dumbbells next to the coffee maker, strength training became connected to a routine that was already established.

Exercise Snacks Count

The exercises themselves also qualify as what researchers call exercise snacks. Exercise snacks are short bursts of movement, usually lasting less than ten minutes, that are scattered throughout the day rather than completed in one formal workout session.

A few minutes of strength training while the coffee brews, a quick walk around the block, a set of squats between counseling sessions, or standing in tree pose while brushing your teeth can all count.

While these concepts are different, they work well together. The micro habit makes the behavior small enough to feel doable. Habit stacking helps you remember to do it. Exercise snacks make movement fit into the natural rhythm of your day. Together, they lower the barriers that often keep people from getting started.

The interesting thing is that this is exactly what happened with my client. We did not abandon her goals. We simply made the path small enough that she could actually walk it. Instead of trying to become a completely different person by next Tuesday, she identified one meaningful change she could realistically sustain. The plan became smaller, but her chances of success became much larger.

The Second Reason We Fail: We Focus on Outcomes Instead of Identity

That brings us to another reason people struggle with behavior change. We often focus so much on the outcome that we forget to pay attention to identity.

Most people begin with a goal. They want to lose weight, lower their cholesterol, improve their glucose numbers, build muscle, or have more energy. Those are fine goals, but goals only tell us where we want to go. They do not tell us who we need to become.

The Real Goal Is Becoming a Different Kind of Person

What I found most interesting about the dumbbells was not the improvement in my shoulder definition. The shoulder was simply evidence. The real change happened long before I noticed it in the mirror. For two months, I had been acting like someone who strength trains.

I'll never be a bodybuilder or a fitness influencer, nor do I want to be. I am someone who regularly picks up weights while waiting for her coffee and, if I do say so myself, has some pretty well-defined arms.

That identity shift is subtle but powerful. The same thing happened with my client. She started acting like someone who makes intentional choices about her health. Those small actions started creating evidence for a new story.

Healthy Habits Become Part of Who We Are

That is often how lasting health changes begin. Not through dramatic declarations or complete lifestyle overhauls, but through small healthy habits that fit naturally into the life we are already living.

Over time those actions become routines, and those routines begin shaping our identity. Eventually we stop thinking of ourselves as someone who is trying to get healthy and start thinking of ourselves as someone who takes care of her health.

And that shift changes everything.

As my client discovered, lasting change rarely begins with changing everything. More often, it begins with identifying the next right step and making it small enough to fit your real life.

If you're ready to build healthier habits, improve your wellbeing, or create a personalized roadmap for living well, we'd love to help. At Every Girl Living, we offer counseling, coaching, yoga, groups, and wellness resources designed to support the whole person.

Schedule a free consultation to learn more about our Wellness 360 approach and discover what your next step could be.

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Sources:

American College of Sports Medicine. (n.d.). Physical Activity Guidelines. https://acsm.org/education-resources/trending-topics-resources/physical-activity-guidelines/

American Heart Association. (2024, January 19). American Heart Association Recommendations for Physical Activity in Adults and Kids. https://www.heart.org/en/healthy-living/exercise-and-physical-activity/fitness-basics/aha-recs-for-physical-activity-in-adults

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2023, December 20). Adult Activity: An Overview. https://www.cdc.gov/physical-activity-basics/guidelines/adults.html

Matthews, C. E., Chen, K. Y., Freedson, P. S., Buchowski, M. S., Beech, B. M., Pate, R. R., & Troiano, R. P. (2008). Amount of time spent in sedentary behaviors in the United States, 2003–2004. American Journal of Epidemiology, 167(7), 875–881. https://doi.org/10.1093/aje/kwm390

Matthews, C. E., Keadle, S. K., Moore, S. C., Schoeller, D. S., Carroll, R. J., Troiano, R. P., & Sampson, J. N. (2021). Sedentary behavior in United States adults: Fall 2019. Medicine & Science in Sports & Exercise, 53(12), 2512–2519. https://doi.org/10.1249/MSS.0000000000002751

Nerurkar, A. (2025). The 5 Resets: Rewire Your Brain and Body for Less Stress and More Resilience. HarperOne.

Office of Disease Prevention and Health Promotion. (n.d.). Increase the proportion of adults who do enough aerobic and muscle-strengthening activity — PA-05. Healthy People 2030. U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. https://odphp.health.gov/healthypeople/objectives-and-data/browse-objectives/physical-activity/increase-proportion-adults-who-do-enough-aerobic-and-muscle-strengthening-activity-pa-05

Office of Disease Prevention and Health Promotion. (n.d.). Physical Activity. Healthy People 2030. U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. https://odphp.health.gov/healthypeople/objectives-and-data/browse-objectives/physical-activity

World Health Organization. (n.d.). Physical Activity. https://www.who.int/initiatives/behealthy/physical-activity